Need       
 
 

The characters belong to Fox, Chris Carter,
etc..... not me. Suing me would only get
you a outdated computer and a very small dog.
It's all I got.
 

Classification: V, A, MSR(sort of)

Spoiler: Memento Mori

Rated: PG-13

Summery: After a doctors visit, Scully turns
to Mulder for comfort

I would love some feed back.
Please send to Exduck@llano.net

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Eternal Flame I : Need
By E. Livingstone

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He stood listening to the threatening thunder as
dusk turned into darkness. Across the street a
small lamp glowed in an apartment window... her
apartment window. He had been standing outside
her apartment for close to a half an hour, unable
to get himself to go home. She had left their office
this morning, a routine doctors visit she had said,
both of them knowing no doctors visit was routine
for her... not anymore. He had called steadily all
day... she still hadn't answered, though he was
positive she was home.

His eyes fixated on the glow of the small lamp.
He knew her well enough to know that the light
that burned in her widow, did not prove his theory
to be true. That small lamp was her security
blanket... the light she never turned off. A warning
to outsiders that she may be home... or at the
very least would be coming home soon. A smile
played at his lips as he remembered her trying to
explain it to him why she never tuned it off... her
eternal flame she had jokingly called it. His smile
died as he considered the eternity she now faced,
and the eternity every day would be for him... without
her.

A shadow moved across the curtain and
disappeared again. He reached into his pocket
to pull out his phone, but though better of it,
knowing she would not answer. But he had to
see her... had to hear what the doctor had told
her... he had to know.

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He knocked on her door, waiting for a reply.
All he got was silence.

"It's me..." He spoke, pressing close to the
door to make sure she could hear him,
"I know your there... Scully... please."

Nothing.

"Ok, fine...but I'm coming in either way... "
haven given her warning, he used his key to
open her door.

The room was dark, all but the lamp in the
window, as if she hadn't bothered turning
on any lights as the day turned into night.
She was sitting in a rocking chair across
the room and looked up at him as he entered,
but said nothing. Even in the low light of the
room he could see that she had been crying.
What little light there was, reflected in her
moist eyes. He felt his heart breaking at the
sight of her in pain. And had to fight his own
emotions he felt welling up in him... he had to
be strong, now more than ever. As he reached
to turn on a light, she spoke.

"No... please don't." Her voice sounded a
million miles away.

He started to make his way to her, passing
by photo albums that where scattered across
her coffee table. Her family... her childhood.
In his minds eye he could see her there looking
through her past... knowing that fate of her
future. He closed his eyes to the image, knowing
he had to deal with the present now, for both
there sakes.

He crouched down in front of her, lightly resting
his hands on her knees and looking into her
eyes.  The carefully constructed walls she
had build around herself to hide her emotions
had crumbled, now laying her emotions bare
to him.

"Tell me." He said softly.

She just shook her head sadly.

He placed his palm along the side of her face,
then moved to hold her, feeling her tense
slightly, trying not to loose complete control.
He just held her tightly against him until he
felt her respond, her arms wrapping around
him tightly, gripping his shirt and burying her
face in the side of his neck.

" We'll find away... " He spoke quietly into her
hair, "we aren't done yet, you and I..."

She pulled her face out of the crook of his neck.

"Mulder..." Her eyes locked with his.

What he saw in those eyes ripped him apart.
The despair at losing this battle she had fought
so hard to win... the guilt of leaving those she
loved behind to grieve. But as her hands moved
up, her fingers resting along the sides of his face,
he saw something in her that he rarely ever saw...
something she had always made it a point of
never letting him see it. He saw her fear.

And as she purposefully ran her thumb along
his lower lip, lightly grazing it, he saw something
else.  Need. A need to be held... to be with
him... a need not to be alone. He opened his
mouth, not sure exactly what he was going to
say. Before he had a chance to find out, she
leaned in to him covering his mouth with her own.
His mind went completely blank, feeling nothing
but her soft lips moving against his. Her mouth
gently tugged at his lower lip, as she pulled
her head back to once again look at his face.
He looked like a deer in headlight... frozen.
Afraid she would continue... afraid she
would stop.

A sudden panic filled him, a fear of what was
about to  happen... a fear he wouldn't be strong
enough to do what was right. He stood abruptly,
backing away for her.

"Scully... your upset..." He tried to explain.

She stood, moving to him... invading his
space as his back met the wall.

"Your... Your not thinking straighhh..." His
sentence got lost, as her hand moved under
his shirt, her fingers blazing a trail across his
abdomen. "Oh my God..."

He dropped his head, his lips hovering
above hers.

"Scully..." He whispered.

As much as he wanted this... dreamt of it,
he knew he had to stop it, but as she ran
her hand behind his head and pulled it
down to meet hers, he couldn't quite
remember why. His instincts over wrote
his brain and he opened his mouth to her,
kissing her deeply. His hands moved into her
hair, as her hands freed his shirt, running her
fingers along his bare torso as four years of
their denial came out in a tangle of clothes,
heat and skin. He had lost all track of time,
being as all the blood had left his brain, heading
south, but in a brief moment of conscious he
broke from her. His shirt was hanging open
and hers was well on the way.

"Scu...Scully... we can't... not like this...
it's not right..." He stammered, in a raged
voice as he kept his flushed face turned
upwards, not trusting himself to look into
her eyes, knowing his willpower was fading fast.

"Are you telling me you don't want this?"
She asked softly, meshing her body even
closer to him. She ran the tip of her nose
along the underside of his chin, her lips
grazing his throat, as she continued,
"Cause I'm finding that hard to believe."

Ironically for as many times as he had
heard those words from her, this was
the one time there was irrefutable proof...
the truth was pushing against her stomach.

"Scull.. Dana...please...  I'm trying to do
the right thing here... ."

The desperation in his voice caused her to
suddenly step back, away from him.

"I'm sorry..." She apologized, straightening
her clothes and keeping her eyes averted
from his.

"No...don't be..." He stepped towards her
as she matched his step with her own,
retreating from him. She looked up for a
brief moment and he saw her embarrassment
and her rejection etched in her face.

"This isn't about you and me... it's about fear...
and being alone. You would have regretted this...
please understand..."

"Go home, Mulder..." She said simply.

"Scully..."

"I'm fine, Mulder." As she spoke, she looked
into his eyes and his heart sank, as he saw
that her defenses were back up... her walls
back in place. She wouldn't let him past those
walls anymore... not tonight, he feared maybe
not ever not ever.

She walked over to the door opening it for him
and then returned to the rocking chair he had
originally found her in.

He stood in the doorway for a long moment,
watching her curl her legs under her and look
out her window, knowing the pain she was
hiding and wishing he had the words to make
it right. But in the end all he could give her
was the truth.

"Need and want are two very different
things... God Dana...if I thought this
was about me...." His words trailed off,
not knowing what he would have done
differently, but knowing he wouldn't be
leaving the woman he cared for most
in this world to face her fears alone.

*******************************************

He stood across the street from her apartment,
as cold rain, soaked his clothes. Pushing  a hand
absently through his wet hair, his gaze fell onto the
small light illuminating the window. He had been
standing there for close to a half an hour, unable to
get himself to go home.  Right or wrong he had
made the choice he felt he had to, but either way,
it wouldn't erase the rejection he had seen in her eyes...
the rejection she had felt from him. Suddenly his cell
phone rang from inside his coat pocket.

"Yeah..." He answered quietly, looking
down as he held the phone to his ear.

"You were right... I needed someone..." She explained,
her voice barely audible. "But...I wanted you."

He lifted his head, as her extension fell to
silence. In the distance he could see her
silhouetted form in the lighted window lean
forward, towards the small lamp, before she
disappeared... as the light turn to darkness.
 

The End