"Cry in the dark" by Pellinor, part 1 of 1


DISCLAIMER: Mulder and Scully are the property of Chris Carter,
1013 Productions and Fox, and I torture them without permission
but with no mercenary intent.

SUMMARY: Mulder's in hospital again - or is it something much worse?



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"Hi. This is Dana Scully. Please leave a message and I'll get back
to you as soon as I can."

Scully, it's me.

If you're there, Scully, pick up the phone....

Pick up the phone, Scully. I need you.... your help.


I'm sorry, Scully. I.... I guess I'd better just tell you.....

I'm in hospital again.

Now I _know_ you're not at home. You'd never have let _that_ pass
without picking up the phone, if only to say "Mul-der" at me in
that way you have, trying to sound angry but the concern showing
through, however much you try to hide it.

Hey, Scully! Don't look like that. You _do_.

And now you're trying not to smile, wondering if you're so
predictable that I can tell your every reaction. You're
exasperated that I'm talking about this rather than telling you
how I am, but you're half pleased as well. If I'm teasing you, I
can't be that bad. Right?

Ah, but now you're frowning, wondering if I've been off chasing
some alien or genetic mutant without telling you, despite what we
talked about yesterday. But, Scully - it wasn't my fault this
time. I didn't ignore anyone's warnings. I didn't drop my gun.
Hey! I didn't even drop my phone, though the damn nurses have
confiscated it. No, all I did was drive around for a bit, just
thinking about what we'd talked about, and suddenly a dog ran into
the road. I swerved to avoid it, and.... Well, I didn't hit the
dog, anyway. I guess I forgot to notice the tree....

Anyway, here I am, stuck in bed, feeling like.... well, it doesn't
matter. I'll be okay. _That's_ all that matters. I'll be okay.

Actually, even though they stole my phone, the nurses aren't too
bad. I hardly see them, which is a nice change. Normally they
can't wait to fill me with drugs, or bully me into getting out of
bed and walking across the room so they can snigger at me behind
my back. But these ones - they seem quite happy for me to stay in
bed. When I tried to use my phone they snarled at me, saying it
would interfere with the medical equipment, and for a few seconds
looked just like nurses are supposed to look, but then they
relented and one of them wheeled in this phone and told me I could
use it as often as I liked.

So, here I am, Scully.

Please call me. I'm at St Jude's Hospital in Baltimore.

Please call me.


"Hi. This is Dana Scully. Please leave a message and I'll get back
to you as soon as I can."

Scully, you haven't called.

It's hours later, now. It must be. The sun was slanting across my
bed when I last called you and now it's fully dark. Three hours?
Four? Damn! Where's my watch gone? Why isn't there a clock in this
hospital? Where's a nurse when you need one?

Why haven't you called?

Look, Scully. Are you still angry with me about what happened
yesterday? Is that it? I thought we'd gone through that. I _do_
trust you, honestly. I _do_ respect you. I only suggested you go
home early because.... God, Scully! I _saw_ how that case affected
you. If _I'd_ reacted like that, _you'd_ have done the same. You
_would_, Scully. Remember what you're like when you think I'm
hurt, or when you think I'm walking blindly into danger. That's
all it was. If you'd gone on that stakeout, feeling as you did,
you could have been hurt - you could have been killed. That's why
I didn't tell you about it. For _your_ sake. Not because I didn't
trust you.

Scully, you _know_ all this. You've got to believe me. You can't
let this jeopardise all we've got.


Please call me.

We can discuss it all later. Now, just.... _talk_ to me. I need to
hear your voice. Everyone here is so cold, so impersonal, so....
_not_ you.

Please call me.


"Hi. This is Dana Scully. Please leave a message and I'll get back
to you as soon as I can."

I can't sleep, I can't settle, I can't think.

You haven't called me.

I.... It _hurts_, Scully. They gave me something, a few hours ago.
I thought drugs were supposed to make the pain go away, not make
it worse.

But it doesn't hurt half as much as....

I'm sorry, Scully.

You know, don't you. You always do. You know I've not been telling
the whole truth. Is _that_ why you won't call me? Are you sitting
there in the dark, staring at the phone, wondering how long it
will take me before I'm honest with you?

I.... I'm sorry, Scully.

I _couldn't_ tell you. I wanted to tell you, but I couldn't. It
wasn't my secret to tell. He made me promise not to tell anyone,
even you.

But I can't keep secrets from you any longer. So what if I
promised? So what if.... I don't care.... I don't...

So, here goes....

It was a man. I don't know who he was, but he contacted me last
night - or the night before? I don't know what time is any more,
stuck in this room with bare walls, bare ceiling, only the
smallest slit of window. Anyway, he said he had information -
important information - that he wanted to leak. I was to meet him
at.... at a specified spot, at a specified time, and he'd hand it

I know what you're thinking, Scully. You're thinking I walked into
a trap, that anyone can manipulate me by pretending to have
information, but it's not true. This was real. He sounded

I wanted to tell you, Scully, but I couldn't. He said he'd only
deal with me. So I left immediately.....

I never got there, Scully. They must have been waiting for me,
because I soon suspected I was being followed. I tried to shake
them off, but the cars were still there. So I did all I could
think of. I drove anywhere but towards the meeting place, hoping I
could lead them away from the man they were obviously looking for.

And that's when the dog.... Yes, there was really a dog. I didn't
lie about that. It wasn't anything to do with them. I was looking
in my mirror, seeing if I'd managed to lose them, and just didn't
see the dog.

And that's the whole truth, I swear. The truth.

That's why it's so important for you to come here. He'll be at the
meeting place for three nights more. I.... _you_ need to find him
before _they_ do.

Please come, Scully.

I'll tell you the details when you're here. I can't tell you over
the phone, in case your line is bugged.

There was a time when you'd have laughed incredulously at _that_.
Now you're just shaking your head, sadly, looking at the phone as
if you're holding a  poisonous snake in your hand.

_I've_ done that to you.

I'm so sorry, Scully.


"Hi. This is Dana Scully. Please leave a message and I'll get back
to you as soon as I can."

I didn't tell you everything.

The information he had.... It was about _you_ - about your
abduction. That's why I _had_ to do what he said, even though I'd
promised not to go off without you. That's why we can't let this
one slip through our fingers.

This is more important than anything.

Please call me.


"Hi. This is Dana Scully. Please leave a message and I'll get back
to you as soon as I can."

Help me, Scully! Help me!

This isn't a hospital, it's a prison.

I.... I....

I'm sorry. I'm breathing, slowly, slowly. Calm down. Calm down.


I couldn't sleep. I climbed out of bed for something to do. I
thought I'd find a nurse and ask her why there was no television
in the room, why they wouldn't let me have the lights on, and....

My God, Scully! I can't....

The door. The door was locked. And the window.... I climbed onto
the bed and looked through the window. It was dark outside, but
just glimmering with dawn. Just enough light to see.... Scully!
There was.... nothing. Just vast expanse of.... nothing. Like in a
military base, or something.

My God, Scully. Where am I? What are they going to do to me?

Help me, Scully.

Please help me.


"Hi. This is Dana Scully. Please leave a message and I'll get back
to you as soon as I can."

Scu.... lly.

I need you.

I was right.

They came. They....

Oh God, it _hurts_. I....

I need.... Just to sleep.

Scu.... lly....


"Hi. This is Dana Scully. Please leave a message and I'll get back
to you as soon as I can."



I feel better just hearing your voice on that machine, just
hearing _you_, even though I don't know now if you can hear me.

But if you _can_ hear me....

I'm sorry, Scully. I'm sorry about that last call. I shouldn't
have.... landed that on you. It was wrong. I got into this mess,
and should.... suffer the consequences alone. I'm sorry. It's just
that.... I was so scared, Scully. So scared. But.... I'm okay now.

I'm.... okay.

I've got to stay calm. _Stay calm_. I need to think.

Why have they left me the phone? Is it just to torment me, so I
think help is on the way, but all the time I'm only talking to
_them_? Can you hear me at all?

Sometimes I hope desperately that you _can't_. You don't need
this. Sitting there in the dark, now knowing when you'll next hear
from me, knowing you can't do anything to help. Oh, you've looked
for that hospital now, haven't you? It doesn't exist or if it does
no-one there has heard of me. Or maybe you've gone through my
apartment, looking for a note of where I was going so you can
contact the man yourself. But there's no point, Scully. I
destroyed everything. It's all in my head....

You hear that, you bastards! It's all in my head. _She_ doesn't
know anything. I'm the only one who knows where he is!

I'm sorry, Scully. You didn't need to hear that. If you did....

I'm going to talk as if you _can_ hear me. That's the best thing
to do - to hope. If you _can_ hear me, I know it's probably hell
for you right now, but it _is_ for the best. Just think about it.
At least you'll know what's happened to me. At least....

Oh God, Scully. What if you can't hear this? What if you never
find out what happened to me. You might be calling me even now,
desperate with worry, never knowing if I'm alive or dead, if I'll
return years later, if I left you voluntarily and don't _want_ to
be found.

And the last words we spoke were in anger.

Oh, Scully.....

Please let her hear this. Please....

I would never leave you, Scully. Never.


I've got to stop now, Scully. I'm..... sorry.


"Hi. This is Dana Scully. Please leave a message and I'll get back
to you as soon as I can."

They left me alone this time, but I know they're listening.

Why are they doing this? Why?

They want to know where that man is. I know that. But they haven't
asked me. Just smile their cold smiles and.....

I'm sorry....

I can't tell them, Scully. Whatever they do to me, I can't tell
them. I can't betray a man to his death. He was prepared to risk
his life to give me - _us_ - that information. I can't betray him.
I... After Deep Throat.... I _can't_ let that happen again.
Whatever they do to me, I can't....

Oh God, Scully! What if you never hear this because they....
because you're.....?

Is that what you're trying to do, you bastards? You want me to
think she's not replying because you've.... got her. You want me
to torture myself with thoughts of what you're doing to her, and
then tell you everything to stop you.... killing her.

Don't hurt her! Don't you dare hurt her! I.... I'll do anything.
You can do anything you like to me, but don't hurt her!

Where are you? You're listening. Why don't you come? I'll tell you
everything, right now. Just don't you _dare_ hurt her.


Don't.... hurt her.


"Hi. This is Dana Scully. Please leave a message and I'll get back
to you as soon as I can."


I told them....

Betrayed.... him. Dead. Cold smiles.... Blood. Smoke.... Can't....

I'm.... sorry. I'm s....

Hurts.... Speak. But.... _Got_ to tell....



Try to forget....




Dana Scully kicked off her shoes and sank into the chair, her bags
collapsing on the floor around her. She leant her head back, her
eyes closed, feeling the sun warm on her face.

He'd been right, she could see that now. She _had_ needed a break.
She'd resisted, stubborn to the end, but in the end it had been
her mother that had made her see sense, and now, after a long
weekend at her mother's, she felt relaxed, refreshed and ready to
face the future.

But Mulder....

That was the only little cloud on her contentment. She'd shouted
at him, as good as thrown him out, for suggesting the obvious, and
had neglected to call him all weekend to say where she was. If he
was angry with her, it would be no more than she deserved. Though
Mulder, being Mulder, would no doubt have spent the weekend
twisting the situation around until he'd convinced himself that it
was all his fault anyway. Infuriating, of course, but.... well, so
_Mulder_. She shouldn't complain about him being himself, for
being the man she knew and....

Call him.

Her conscience knew what she had to do, even though her hands
didn't want to hold the phone, her mind didn't want to face what
might be a strained and difficult conversation.

But why was she so nervous? They'd get through this, there was no
doubt. This was nothing. They'd been through far worse and
survived. Just a few angry words, a misunderstanding, a weekend of
silence. Nothing.

Call him.

She almost picked up her phone to call him, but then put it down
again, glancing over to the machine. Messages. God! _Eight_
messages. Probably Mulder. No. _Definitely_ Mulder.

Slowly, she stood up, pressing rewind on the tape. It seemed to
take ages, whirring through the silence of her apartment until it
reached the start with a sudden clunk, making her start.

She pressed play, and sat down again, ready to hear what he had to

She'd call him afterwards. After all, a few minutes wouldn't make
any difference, would it?


End of "Cry in the dark"